


let me tell you 'bout my secret (i'm a little crazy underneath this)

by bumbleb_tch



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Ambiguous point in the future, Drinking Games, Just a dash of angst for Flavour, M/M, Unreliable Narrator, Unreliable Narrator Oikawa Tooru, Wedding Reception, aka my favourite tag lately, but mostly fluff and crack really, is it mutual pining if one of them was too self absorbed to realize he was pining in the first place, just let me have these grumpy boyfriends okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:34:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25123258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bumbleb_tch/pseuds/bumbleb_tch
Summary: "Why are you talking to me?" Tobio snapped, almost a snarl, and the reaction stoked a pleased sort of fire in Tooru’s petty ego. "There’s plenty of other people here. We could just pretend to be strangers and not do this stupid dance.”A brief shock arced through him, but he refused to let it show on his face, instead pasting on a dramatized look of contemplation before sighing heavily. “Well since that's almost an intelligent idea and it's not like there's any better company here, I suppose. Just for tonight.” Oikawa raised a hand and waved to the bartender. “What are you drinking?”Kageyama actually choked this time, sputtering into his drink while Tooru hid a grin and pretended to be clueless to the fit he was having, ordering shots for both of them in the meantime.When the small glasses were resting in front of them and Tobio had fallen into an uneasy silence again, Oikawa hummed and tilted his head to peer speculatively at his companion for the night. “Well aren't you going to introduce yourself, random stranger who I might refer to as handsome if I were feeling particularly generous?”
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 21
Kudos: 202





	let me tell you 'bout my secret (i'm a little crazy underneath this)

**Author's Note:**

> I want to dedicate this fic to my Miraculous subscribers that will get the notification that I posted this, only to find that not only have I /not/ updated my WIPs, I have jumped on the VOLLEYBALL TRAIN and ridden it straight to hell. 
> 
> But honestly I had a lot of fun with this and I needed the break. This is my first fic for Haikyuu so I hope y'all enjoy it!
> 
> Shoutout to my ever faithful beta Papillon10, who is gracious enough to still help me when I get buckwild and switch fandoms.
> 
> \--  
> I did a little research on Japanese weddings for this so for anyone who wants to know-a Nijikai (literal meaning: 2nd party) is similar to western wedding receptions and involves a lot of drinking, partying, and matchmaking. :D

A horde of bodies seethed around Tooru Oikawa, the thick scent of sweat and occasional elbow to his ribs marring his normally pleasant countenance with a scowl. Ducking between the uncoordinated individuals dancing as though their lives depended on it, he finally emerged on the other side of the crowd and beelined for the bar. Luckily for him, the area was nearly devoid of people; after all, who came to a nijikai to be asocial? 

Unluckily for him, the answer came in the form of Tobio Kageyama. His former underclassman was sitting directly in front of the bartender and scowling at his drink as though it had personally wronged him, much to his own personal displeasure. The familiar suffocating aura of unfriendliness surrounded the younger man but he'd certainly changed in the handful of years since they’d last seen each other- grown up and filled out his sharp edges and gangly frame. 

Tooru’s skin prickled, a slimy taste coating his tongue and slithering down his throat with a simmering burn that twisted his stomach into knots. Nothing new, he’d never really enjoyed looking at his pitiful kouhai.

Still, it was safer than the dance floor, and doubly so compared to his sister- lurking somewhere on the other side like a prowling wolf, waiting to set him up with any girl she deemed “marriable”. 

So he slid onto the stool to Kageyama’s left, a single seat between them, and pasted on an overly wide and exceptionally fake grin. “Tobio-chan! Fancy meeting you here,” Tooru cheered, just the hint of an edge to his words. 

Kageyama jerked up so quickly he nearly toppled off the back of his chair, squawking and scrambling to right himself. It almost turned Tooru’s smile genuine, but then, impossibly wide eyes, in a truly, unfortunately attractive shade of royal blue, rose to meet his gaze and chased away any good humor that had threatened to arise.

“Oikawa-san, what are you doing here?” Visibly cringing, Tobio straightened and eyed him warily, his posture tense- just how Tooru wanted him to be.

“The bride is my cousin,” Oikawa said, his tone measured and bland. His smile felt almost plastic with how falsely pleasant he was straining to keep it, if only to enjoy the growing apprehension apparent in Kageyama’s face as he struggled to read his intentions. “Better question, what’s a sourpuss like you doing at a nijikai? If you’re trying to find a wife I’m happy to leave you in my sister’s capable hands- she’s spent all night trying to marry me off to any eligible woman she lays eyes on.” 

After a long silence during which Kageyama simply stared blankly at him until his jaw went slack and a small choked noise broke from between his lips. “What?”

“I  _ said- _ ”

“I heard what you said!” Tobio snapped, almost a snarl, and the reaction stoked a pleased sort of fire in Tooru’s petty ego. “I meant...why are you talking to me? There’s plenty of other people here. We could just pretend to be strangers and not do this stupid dance.” 

A brief shock arced through him, but he refused to let it show on his face, instead pasting on a dramatized look of contemplation before sighing heavily. “Well since that's almost an intelligent idea and it's not like there's any better company here, I suppose. Just for tonight.” Oikawa raised a hand and waved to the bartender. “What are you drinking?”

Kageyama actually choked this time, sputtering into his drink while Tooru hid a grin and pretended to be clueless to the fit he was having, ordering shots for both of them in the meantime.

When the small glasses were resting in front of them and Tobio had fallen into an uneasy silence again, Oikawa hummed and tilted his head to peer speculatively at his companion for the night. “Well aren't you going to introduce yourself, random stranger who I might refer to as handsome if I were feeling particularly generous?”

The half insult seemed to be the push that his old rival needed to pull it together, a scoff falling from his lips with an accompanying eye roll. “Kageyama,” he huffed, apparently aware that arguing would only prolong the situation.

Tooru didn’t skip a beat. “Oh? You're that infamously grumpy setter then, hmm, I've heard a lot about you.” He flashed him a smile perfectly polished to look as genuine as a model grin can and purred, “Oikawa Tooru, charmed I'm sure.”

“Big talk from the pretty playboy,” Tobio retorted, meeting his eyes only to tear them away a second later, wide with shock when he seemed to realize what he’d said.

But something about him fighting back so quickly was refreshing, time had apparently helped Kageyama grow in more ways than just physically, and Oikawa couldn’t contain the sudden rush of perverse excitement at the idea of testing his new and improved limits. 

With a lilt of easygoing humor, he eyed the other man. “Seems like you’ve heard plenty about me as well, so how about we trade rumors? I’ll tell you some of the nasty things I’ve heard about you floating in the competition circles. Of course, as is only fair, you can sling back any you’ve heard about  _ me.  _ Loser of each round does a shot.”

“You want to make insulting each other...into a game?” Kageyama asked, that flabbergasted expression fixed upon his face once again. 

He very pointedly rolled his eyes, “It’s always been a game, but I suppose this time we need rules. Hmm...” Oikawa dipped his finger in his water and drew a numeral one on the bar, the pad of his finger gliding across smooth wood. “1. Only rumors that we’ve heard second hand.” 

“2. Nothing about our sport or skills directly involved.” Repeating the action he glanced up to find Kageyama’s eyes laser focused on the finger tracing water into the woods, sending a perplexing shiver racing down his spine. 

Keeping his gaze fixed on Tobio’s face, he traced a three. “3. Blueberry is our safe word.” It took near herculean effort to maintain a straight face when Kageyama’s eyes shot up to meet his, wide and glassy with alarm. 

The nonsensical gibberish that poured from Kageyama’s mouth pulled the hint of a genuine- if a little smug- smile onto his own, before the man managed to huff out, “Our safe word?”

“Obviously.” Oikawa didn’t allow even a moment of hesitation or a single waver to his air of confidence, replying with just the barest amount of sarcasm. “This is a fun game between strangers and I would hate to upset you and ruin our budding friendship, so if you’re feeling uncomfortable just say the word.” 

The only answer he received was a heavy silence and Kageyama’s face twisting into a heavy scowl, his eyes darkening until it was like staring into two endless voids. He wondered why his old teammate hadn’t chosen to at least try to get him to leave or threatened to leave himself, and something throbbed in his chest, not quite painful, but unfamiliar, and uncomfortable. 

Tooru was never one to confront his own issues so he pushed it aside and moved on, putting on a show of being thoroughly unaffected by Tobio’s attitude. “I’ll start! I’ve heard that even your smile is intimidating.”

“Are we really doing this?” Kageyama- almost- whined, much to Oikawa’s concealed delight. 

He nodded empathically, with a beautiful smile even as he fixed a steely glare on him that brooked no argument and disappeared as soon as it had come. “Say cheese!” 

If anything, the sudden curve to Kageyama’s lips could only be called a sneer but before he could give his unwanted input, Tooru hmm’d and considered him very audibly. “That wasn’t much of a smile but it wasn't intimidating either. Guess you win this round. Your turn!” 

Without fanfare, he tossed back the shot in front of him and gestured to the bartender for another, making a face as the aftertaste lingered in the back of his throat. Oikawa turned and waited in silence, staring Tobio down in vacant expectation. 

Kageyama's eyes met his defiantly, holding his gaze almost challengingly, and Tooru could practically see the younger man weighing his options. A heavy sigh left Tobio’s lungs, all the tension pouring from his body until he slumped over the bar, apparently resigned to his fate. 

“Last week someone wouldn’t shut up about how your hair is too long and your shorts are too short.”

Whatever he’d been expecting the other setter to come up with, it wasn’t that, and the surprise tore a bubbly laugh from his lips, almost nervous and wholly genuine. Oikawa recovered quickly and arched a single eyebrow- perfectly groomed, unlike Tobio’s, which appeared to have never seen a pair of tweezers in his entire life. “Scared of a little thigh, are they? That’s pretty subjective though, I’m not  _ indecent _ . What do you think?”

It was a fairly tame tease overall, and Oikawa didn’t really care about Kageyama’s opinion, but a flush overtook Tobio’s features when he squeaked out, “Me?”

And suddenly he felt incredibly defensive, crossing his arms over his chest and shoving his nose in the air. “Who else? Are my shorts too short or not?” Tooru barked, a little too much bite in his voice for someone who had recently insisted this was a friendly conversation. 

Something that felt a little too much like guilt coiled in his gut when Tobio’s face shut down and went blank, so he focused on the shot glass in front of him instead, which was incredibly boring by comparison.

“I don’t know, I haven’t paid attention to that!” Kageyama sputtered out, a bright flush painting his cheeks when Tooru eyed him in his periphery. 

If he kept choking so much he was going to have to advise Tobio to see a doctor out of concern for his health. “Guess that means I win this round. Bottoms up!” he trilled, sticking his tongue out and flashing a peace sign. 

Tooru had no way to know if Tobio actually took the shot or not because at that moment a woman that was more makeup and sequins than anything else, slid onto the seat between them and aimed what was probably meant to be a charming smile in his direction. 

It was at best slimy, and left him with an insistent desire to use her head as a volleyball. “Can I  _ help _ you?” he spat, each word razor sharp and dripping with condescension. 

“You can help me with plenty, handsome,” the intruder purred with a practiced simper that could never even begin to compare to his much more polished version.

“Unfortunately for you-” Oikawa hissed, lowering his voice to just above a whisper- “I’m not interested. So please excuse yourself from where you have so impolitely barged into my conversation with someone who is far more interesting than you could ever be.” 

She disappeared into the crowd with his glare boring a hole in her retreating back, leaving behind a sickly sweet perfume lingering in the air to turn his stomach. In order to prevent a repeat performance, Tooru quickly slid over so he was seated directly next to Kageyama, the sudden proximity setting him on edge in an almost unpleasant, but unavoidable, manner.

“You were pretty rude to that girl, Oikawa-san,” Kageyama spoke quietly, without accusation or judgment, an impassionate observation, as many of his comments were. 

“Did you even hear half of what I said?” Tooru asked, scrutinizing his face until Tobio shook his head, and huffing a breath of something, relief maybe, at not being caught defending his- former- archenemy. “If I was rude, she was downright uncivilized, not to mention arrogant, thinking I’d even look twice at her when I am clearly preoccupied. Arrogance is only attractive on me.”

Kageyama snorted, more amused than agitated, which was almost disturbing. “You were literally just complaining about having to settle for me for company.”

“God you are dense, I’ve heard that too, for the record,” Oikawa snipped cattily, waving a dismissive hand to redirect the conversation. “Nevermind, it’s your turn now.” 

It wasn’t, but Tooru was pretty sure he wouldn’t notice and even if he did it would still successfully divert the conversation. 

As if to prove his point, he was rewarded with a thoroughly exasperated stare from Tobio that placated the odd anxiety shifting oppressively in his chest and graciously allowed his opponent time to think of a decent rumor to share. 

After a long moment of him pretending not to study every minute detail of Kageyama’s face as he pondered, something flickered in the younger man’s eyes, darkening them in a way that lacked any sort of familiar fury he might have expected and left Oikawa puzzle over what he might been thinking.

“It’s been, uh, implied, that you’re very flexible,” Kageyama mumbled hesitantly, a flush painting his cheeks and his eyes darted around the room, pointedly landing anywhere except Tooru’s face. 

A violent shiver snaked down his spine, skimming across his ribs in an awkward melody as his mind struggled to process too many things at once. Oikawa had spent years as Kageyama’s senpai and never struggled to read him; even when others failed, he could spot chinks in his armor and things he was hiding just below the surface. 

But the same time that had melted away the baby fat from Tobio’s face and left behind a jawline sharp enough to cut glass, had also made him that much more inscrutable to Tooru. He wasn’t so simple and easy to read anymore, but that thought was like striking a match to something unnamed just beginning to smoke and burn. 

Oikawa had never been the one between them to hesitate, so he met Kageyama’s gaze and held it as he tipped his shot between his lips. The liquid singed his throat, flooding his veins with artificial courage and washing away his inhibitions as the amount he’d already imbibed during hours of speeches and avoiding his sister began to settle on his mind like a haze. 

“I suppose that’s true, no matter what the context.” Tooru relaxed and tipped his head to the side to aim an almost sinful wink in Tobio’s direction, pushing both their limits and nearly grinning despite himself when the blush on his companion’s face deepened even more aggressively.  “I’m sure if you’ve heard that, then I’m sure you’ve heard more about my reputation, or maybe you prefer a more hands on demonstration? If you ask me while I’m feeling nice, I might even agree to a private session.” 

Not quite realizing what he’d said til after it was far too late to take it back, Oikawa instead focused on maintaining a very nonchalant air and peeked at Kageyama.

Only to find him squinting with a truly perplexed expression. “I thought mentioning our sport was breaking the rules,” Tobio objected, very obviously so consumed by the idea of volleyball that any subtext had rocketed so far over his head it must have been given clearance for take off. 

“Who said anything about volleyball, Tobio-chan?” Tooru retorted, his words laced with both heavy condescension and a teasing purr to maintain the joke. 

Kageyama ran a hand through his hair, leaving a single stray cowlick in his wake for Oikawa to hyperfocus on, torn between smoothing it down into order and allowing the tiny bit of chaos to mar Tobio’s usually composed appearance. 

Pushing away both ideas, Tooru laughed, a little too hollow, a little too nervous. “These rumors make my life seem so much more exciting- it’s almost making me feel lonely and boring in comparison!” he simpered dramatically, putting on an elaborate show of reminding everyone in the near vicinity exactly how self absorbed he happened to be at any given moment. 

His ‘recovery’ was swift as he collected a fresh shot from the bartender and turned back towards Tobio, moving on with his turn. “I heard you never go to any of the team parties unless someone makes you.” 

A frown, a little bitter perhaps, but a far cry from his usual scowl, marred his face, and for a moment Oikawa thought he was going to argue, but then he sighed and tipped back his shot glass without complaint. Kageyama took his alcohol with more grace than anyone he knew, unflinching and stone-faced. 

It was unbearably annoying.

With an almost teasing hint to his gravelly voice, Tobio fired back without looking at him, focused instead on retrieving a fresh shot from the bartender. “I heard you’re the type to dance on tables if someone doesn’t keep you on a leash.”

Tooru jerked back a little, doing his best to hide his surprise at the boldness that formerly shy Kageyama had never exhibited in all the years of his relentless taunting. Worrying his lower lip between his teeth, Oikawa mirrored his companion, tossing back the shot and waving for another. “Heard you had a couple shitty boyfriends,” he blurted before he could second guess himself. 

It wasn’t exactly true, but it also wasn’t  _ not  _ true either. There was a rumor that Tobio Kageyama was gay, and there were rumors involving him and a variety of other men in their sport. Oikawa had twice as many similar stories about himself-most often with women, which was hilariously ironic- and doubted that any of them were true. But that didn’t stop him from asking, even if it meant he might have to drink and he was already behind. 

Kageyama didn’t obviously react, nor did he deign to verbally respond, but Tooru caught his gaze when he glanced at him from the corner of his eye. 

Tobio broke eye contact immediately and tipped his shot between his lips, barely lifting the glass away before he shot back. “Heard your girlfriends hated you cause you were too busy talking about guys.”

Oikawa shot up, whining indignantly. “That’s not true! It was just one guy.” Which was true, even if he didn’t specify that the last time he’d dated a woman was highschool and the guy he had refused to shut up about was Kageyama himself. 

Little details; they didn’t affect the game, so his opponent didn’t need to know them. 

When the shot crossing his tongue didn’t burn as much as the previous ones, Tooru realized he was perhaps a little drunker than he’d originally intended to be. He leaned over to pinch one of Kageyama’s cheeks, smothering stray laughter threatening to burst free at the sight of the irritation that quickly overtook the younger man’s features. “Stop frowning, you’re so young and pretty, Tobio-chan, but you act like a grumpy, old man all the time.” 

Rosy pink bloomed on the skin beneath Oikawa’s fingers as Kageyama stumbled over his words, eventually snapping defensively. “Better than you- hot one minute, cold the next. I’m consistent, at least, I know better than to get out of control.” 

Tooru withdrew and crossed his arms, scrutinizing the man opposite him until he shriveled ever so slightly under his gaze. “Are you saying you think I’m out of control?”

“I’m saying I’ve heard rumors you might be.”

It wasn’t the answer he wanted. It was a cop out, or perhaps it was Kageyama just trying to play within the rules he’d set. But he didn’t really want to play anymore, the game that had started as just another way to tease and taunt his favourite victim had somehow evolved under his nose and now he actually wanted to know, for some inexplicable reason that he was still too much of a coward to think about. 

But he had enough courage, artificial or otherwise, to ask point blank, without any hesitation. “What  _ do _ you think, Tobio-chan? Of me, I mean.”

Silence fell, patient but heavy between them while Kageyama considered the question that had been posed to him. He kept his gaze fixed on the wood of the bartop when he finally spoke. “I’ve heard people claim that you’re practically a god on the court, a blessing to whatever team you play for.” 

Oikawa scoffed as soon as he paused. “I asked what  _ you _ think and you keep parroting more outside opinions? The practice match is over, Tobio, we’re playing for real now.”

Kageyama rolled his eyes, straightening up to stare him down, piercing blue eyes seeming to peel away at his layers until it was like Tobio was staring directly into his soul.

Tooru hated it.

He also wanted him to keep looking, until he found whatever it was he was searching for and made it known to both of them. 

“ _ I _ think you’ve haunted me for years, stuck in the back of my mind like a bad obsession.” Kageyama said, his voice even and steady, almost as if he were giving a speech for the hundredth time. “I think you have the devil’s eyes and a tongue sharper than mine, which is saying something.”

Oikawa realized belatedly that he’d never actually asked Kageyama for his opinions on him before, so maybe he  _ had _ spent years boiling it into a speech like this. 

“I think you’ve hated me since the first time you laid eyes on me and haven’t looked at me without twisted intentions since, but I’ve never had any idea what they were.” Tobio’s voice wavered, but he remained calm and unflinching, still staring into the depths of Tooru’s very being with his endless eyes. A chuckle, bitter and twisted and hollow like a dead tree, cracked from between his lips. “At least you were looking though.”

He wasn’t sure he understood what his kouhai meant by that- or maybe he did and he just wasn’t ready to admit it. But either way, Oikawa could practically feel the honesty of his words, flooding the chasm that had always existed between them and sweeping them both away in the current. 

“Well, it’s only fair to tell you what I think of you, I suppose.” Tooru squared his shoulders but dropped his gaze, because he’d never been quite as bold as Kageyama even with all his pomp and circumstance. 

“I never hated you.” He confessed, quietly, but plainly, not a note of manipulative charm left in his voice. “I envied you. You were naturally everything I had to work so hard to be and I wasted so much energy trying to ignore you only to find that no matter what room I entered, I’d always find you. I have always been so painfully, humiliatingly jealous of you, I wanted to be you so  _ fucking  _ bad.” 

Tooru laughed, a sickly rattle in his throat that wasn’t quite as bitter as Kageyama’s had been, but soaked in broken truth. “Or I thought I did. I’m not so sure now.” 

He actually hadn’t even realized he was questioning it until he said it aloud. 

“What do you mean by that?” Kageyama asked immediately, a soft curiosity to his words that summoned images of a much younger version of the man in front of him, with even more impossibly wide blue eyes, and his own hateful reaction. 

Oikawa hummed, stalling just a little as his nerves started to catch up with him. “See, I went to this nijikai for my cousin, right? And I saw this guy that really just gets on my nerves, a real brat, just a whole piece of work and everything in me burned with this familiar bitter sting that’s been there every time I looked at him for as long as I can remember, but it didn’t make any sense because he was scowling like a motherfucker and sitting all alone and there wasn’t a single reason for me to be jealous of him.” 

Sucking in a sharp breath between his teeth, he plowed on with all the grace of a stampeding bull. “And maybe it was getting to know a stranger I’d already met, or maybe it was the half dozen shots on top of all the sake I had while listening to my sister, but I think I figured it out.”

Tooru lifted his head and carefully avoided meeting Tobio’s gaze, staring off into the space just beyond him, and wondered briefly if he would wake up tomorrow a coward again and try to take back what he was about to say. Oikawa would probably live to regret it, but he already had plenty of regrets anyway, so what was one more on the off chance that something turned up his way for once? 

So he let his eyes drift back to Kageyama’s face, leaning a little closer, until the scent of clean laundry and leather drifted into his senses and he relaxed despite himself, whispering almost too softly to be heard. “I don’t think I wanted to be you at all, Tobio, I think I just wanted you.” 

“Oh,” Kageyama breathed, not quite looking him in the eye.

And maybe if he hadn’t been staring at him so intensely, Oikawa wouldn’t have noticed Tobio’s gaze dropping to focus on his lips, but he was and he did.

“Do you want to get out of here?” His tongue moved of its own accord- not for the first time that night- but it still managed to shock them both, if the mirrored slack jaws and bulging eyes were anything to go by. Tooru was staring into endless voids again, terror racing through his veins like a living thing, consuming him.

Then Tobio just barely nodded, and he was running, the world blurring around him. 

For a moment Oikawa even thought the cowardly part of himself that marinated in crippling self doubt had gotten the best of him and he was fleeing from a second chance he hadn’t realized he’d been aching for til this exact moment. 

But there were fingers intertwined with his, and hot air puffing harshly across the back of his neck as the two of them weaved their way out of the club like they were a single entity, perfectly in sync and not missing a single step. It didn’t matter that his sister would read him the riot act, or that whoever had dragged Kageyama out would be looking for him, or that he’d have to spend the rest of his life making up for his terrible personality, because it turned out that maybe he was the idiot between the two of them all along. 

None of it mattered as long as it meant that this would be the first of many, many times that Tobio pressed him into a wall in a deserted hallway, long, calloused fingers tangling into his hair and tugging just enough to make him dissolve into a quivering mess. Their lips slanted together, bruising and bitter like everything else between them, but as teeth dug into tender skin and the faint tang of iron blood skated over his tongue, Tooru decided that maybe it tasted like forgiveness. 

And he probably didn’t deserve it, but god, did he want it more than anything. 

**Author's Note:**

> That's it, folks, thanks for reading! I had a lot of fun with these characters and hopefully I'll revisit them again soon :)


End file.
